When a mistake feels like the end

When a Mistake Feels Like the End

The Psychology Behind the IIT Bombay Tragedy

The recent death of IIT Bombay student Sahil Wakode has left many people asking difficult questions.

Reports indicate that the incident followed an examination-related episode involving a mobile phone and ChatGPT. His family has also raised allegations of harassment and caste-based discrimination, which the institute has denied. The circumstances are being investigated, and it is important not to assume that any single incident caused his death.

But beyond the facts of the case lies a larger psychological question:

What happens when a young person's mind begins to experience one difficult moment as if it has become the end of everything?

A mistake is an event—not an identity

For one student, an academic mistake may mean:

"I made an error. I will face the consequences and move forward."

For another, the same experience may become:

"I have ruined everything. My future is over."

The difference often lies in how the event is interpreted.

Under intense stress, our thinking can become narrow. We may stop seeing possibilities and focus only on the immediate threat.

This is especially important for young people whose identity has become strongly connected to academic achievement.

The psychology of shame

There is an important difference between guilt and shame.

Guilt says: "I did something wrong."

Shame says: "Something is wrong with me."

Guilt can encourage us to correct our behaviour.

Shame can make us question our entire worth.

For a high-achieving student, an academic setback may therefore feel much bigger than the event itself. It can trigger fears of disappointing parents, losing respect, damaging the future or no longer being "good enough."

This does not mean that every student experiencing shame will develop suicidal thoughts. It means that intense shame should never be dismissed as simply overreacting.

When the future becomes invisible

During an emotional crisis, a person may experience:

• catastrophic thinking
• intense self-criticism
• feelings of entrapment
• difficulty imagining the future
• emotional overwhelm
• impulsive decision-making

A person may begin to feel:

"There is no way out."

The painful reality is that the person may temporarily be unable to see options that would be visible to them at another time.

That is why simply saying "Think about your future" may not help someone in severe distress.

Sometimes they first need help getting through the present moment.

High achievement does not protect against distress

We often assume that a student who is intelligent, successful and studying at a prestigious institution must be emotionally strong.

That is not necessarily true.

A student can be academically brilliant and simultaneously struggle with anxiety, perfectionism, loneliness or overwhelming expectations.

Achievement and emotional wellbeing are two different dimensions of a person's life.

This is why parents and educators need to look beyond marks and performance.

Instead of only asking:

"How much did you score?"

sometimes ask:

"How are you coping?"

Accountability and compassion can coexist

Academic rules are important. If a student violates a rule, there should be an appropriate process.

But accountability does not have to mean humiliation.

A psychologically healthy response can communicate two things at the same time:

"Your behaviour has consequences."

and

"You are still a human being whose wellbeing matters."

This distinction is particularly important when a student is already experiencing intense fear or shame.

What should we teach our students?

We spend years teaching children how to succeed.

Perhaps we also need to teach them how to handle failure.

How to tolerate embarrassment.

How to recover from mistakes.

How to regulate overwhelming emotions.

How to ask for help.

How to separate self-worth from achievement.

These are not merely life skills.

They are psychological skills.

A conversation can make a difference

When someone is overwhelmed, instead of asking:

"Why did you do this?"

we can ask:

"What feels impossible right now?"

Instead of:

"Why didn't you think about your future?"

we can ask:

"What was happening inside you at that moment?"

Sometimes a person does not need immediate advice.

They need someone who can sit with their distress without judgment and help them see that the present crisis is not the whole of their life.

The larger lesson

We may never fully know everything that was happening inside Sahil's mind, and the investigation must establish the facts.

But this tragedy reminds us of something important:

Students are more than their marks, ranks and achievements.

They are young people still learning how to deal with failure, pressure, identity and expectations.

A mistake can have consequences.

A failure can hurt deeply.

But neither should become a message that a person's life has lost its value.

Perhaps the most important lesson we can give a young person is not only how to succeed—but how to survive the moments when they believe they have failed.